me_and this uncertain world

me_and this uncertain world
(tulisan ini menelanjangi isi hati saya)

Minggu, 20 Desember 2015

such a doubt

I want to share several things for my blog readers (I wish this blog has more reader than before.... )

I have many things in mind. A lot of unspoken idea, that never before I shared in other social media or my online accounts. By the way, I have at least four social medias. Anyway.... Lets back to business!

I am 28 year-old. next month I will be 29. It means that I have only one year left before being thirty. During my whole time life, I have so many doubts ranging from a simple one like " do I forget to lock the door?" or a bigger issue like...  " will I get married?"


I am always asking myself like every single hour about "what kind of future will I have?" 

Several images pop up! Like, I will marry a hot blonde guy, or.. I will have twin boys.. a happily ever after look like- life. However, of course, I am not really sure, and sometimes I am not even brave enough to say this is the life I will have someday.. 

For several reasons, I knew that I have a happy life, a joyful inside the day passed by. I experienced Europe when I was 25, having a new perspective in how I see life. a new wonderful horizon.. I got very qualified higher education. I hold a bachelor degree from one of the best university in Indonesia, Also, I got two master degree, one of them is from one of top hundred world wide university. I have a job as civil servant (for this part I am not sure whether I should be thankful or the other way around. But still I put it on the list of blessing).

 Well, not all the things go according the plan, There was a time, I felt upset that a nightmare occurred in a real life. But, everything has to give a meaning, a lesson, or ... those bad times taught me to be strong, to survive. hundred times, I bounced every time the bad moment came! In the end, I am so proud of myself, I can still be me!

When I was a girl, I have been bullied a lot due to my overweight problem. As a teenager, I was always rejected by the person whom I loved. Growing in a broken home family, never did I think that I can have another worse problem than that... As I grew older, many problems came. But none of them brought me down....

I wanna grow as a strong person, even stronger as the time passes by. Yes, I cannot be somebody else, and exchange the life I have. What I can do is just let me be me, and let the time clocked... and found me as a better person. Along the process, I am evolving.. becoming "somebody".

Being thirty, I hope many good thing will happen.. I do not mind such a challenge, I have Allah who will guide me the way.. I am never really alone.. I have THE ONE with super power! the owner of the entire world. I am blessed I know Allah,... in my silly life. 





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